A Life Well Lived?

A life Lived Well?

Does such a life exist? If so, how is it measured? Who is in charge of measuring it? If lived in a different time, or a different place, does the definition of a life well lived changed? If so, how are we to determine now what this life looks like without using current tools of societal creation, or perspectives developed with our own life’s experience?

These questions, although ultimately unanswerable, at least in reference to others, serve a great purpose for those seeking truth for themselves.

Are you able to relate to the following?

My vision of a life well lived:

1. Close family relationships upon or prior to death
2. A collection of adventurous memories.
3. True and unconditional love both given to and received from a partner
4. Peacefulness – a deep and feeling peacefulness that is evident and growing during life and peaks moments prior to death
5. Having elevated persons in life above where they were stationed and to where those persons elected go
6. Leaving behind a legacy that continues when gone (this can be in many different forms)
7. A treasure chest of wisdom based on personal experience and coupled with the sharing of that wisdom.

For me, it is not important that a life be measured while still existing in its current form. Of course, many of us do this, but doing so is a waste of precious and valuable time. We must simply move forward with conviction.

Taking into account the list above, it is most important to understand the fact others will determine the true measurement and result of our life. In addition, this will be primarily done when we are gone.

There will be talk about you while living - rumors, uplifting things shared between others concerning you, and more. However their true contemplation of your life, who you were, and what your impact was, will only be seriously considered when you (or I) are gone.

Maybe however, the above list is a subconscious way of how I would like my own life measured. In fact, it is probable this is the way I am measuring it myself.

How about you? What is your vision of a life well lived?

We spend so much time projecting our concern on others, and mostly fail to view, review, and renew on our life. This is not new information for most of you, nevertheless it bears repeating.

Take a moment and create a list reflecting you own vision, as is listed above. After you are finished, contemplate it for a bit. My list really was a reflection of who I measure my own life and how I want to be measured. What about yours? Be honest with yourself. Your view does matter. To some degree, your view will determine your personal evolvement and joy in life. Briefly put, is your focus on judging others creating yourself for others?

A Life's Saga

Letting go of the brass ring and the reward it carries
Careening wildly through a kaleidoscope of emotion
Raising spurs of pain that claw against my under-skin
Crazed with misunderstanding and lacking knowledge

I die and live a bit each day – waiting

Lost souls of undetermined destiny
Misguided spirits of meaningless wonder
Desecration of mind and organs willed
Dissemination of passion misplaced

They die and live a bit each day – lost

Future unfolding with sunlight’s glare
Yesterday misleading but guiding the same
Today is tomorrow and holds onto past
Life nonexistent lived by each one

We live in that day with understanding and peace - forgiven

A Terraced Truth

Truth in life is terraced and constructed with instability
Stones of sand are laid with the frailty of human existence
Trepidation consumes the traveler’s soul as life is journeyed
Turning each stone in search of one nugget to hold onto

Truth is sought with vigor
Sadness is our reward
Aching peels away our spirit
Blood destroys our past

Longing for future and what may exist
Seeking a fortune of heart and healing
Moving towards sunlight with fear
Dying inside on the way to who knows

Crying for what never has been
Weeping with scarring passion
Draining the light from within
Hiding in shadows of desperation

Peace not received has been given away
Freedom to move through life unencumbered
Clouds of darkness slip in undetected
Life created is destroyed from day one

Carnival masters move crowds along
Collecting on misery plainly existing
Attractions of spinning reflecting the soul
Nausea simply a state of living this life

Truth not uncovered or existing for one
Absolution a fantasy used as a ransom
Blood reigns through thoughts and feelings
The terrace traversed but dissolving below

Part one of chapter for Meeting the God of America

Searching for Truth

My quest to know and to know why is a passion which has consumed me wholly for a lifetime. Now, though, in my mid-life years, this quest has taken on a much deeper meaning and purpose. It is probable that so many of life’s experiences have lubricated the gears and fueled the engine of my drive. For now, I cannot simply believe because I have been told, or because of what I have been told. I must dig deep in order to discover truth. As this life moves towards its end, I realize that what I leave behind for my children and others will be what I believe and how I acted on those beliefs. Nothing will come near the importance and value of these things when I am gone. So for this reason, although stated with some brevity, I move on into discovery and learning, sometimes entering those caverns of darkness that, by implication, have been forbidden.

I have far more questions than answers. In fact, each answer seems to birth a plethora of new questions and quests. So, if you are reading this for answers, disappointment may be what you find. Although I feel I do have some, my curiosity and continued search is made visible here.

My intent, as always, is to build. At times, however, you must deconstruct prior to building. In my humble opinion, we must move away from the constant conflict (both overt and covert) and towards a more peaceful existence.


Brief Background

My search for the truth of God began when I was very young. I write more about this in an upcoming book, Meeting the God of America. However, I will briefly state, or restate some of that here.

I have always had a place in my thoughts and longing for the truth of God. Who is He? What is He? Why is He? Who am I to Him? Even in my early childhood, I held these thoughts and questions. I have never doubted there is a creator, and in fact a loving one. But this fact does not define God, or answer any of the questions I just listed. It is not enough to know God exists, not for me anyway.

As a child and adolescent, I rarely attended church. Church was not something our family did. We did try on a couple of remembered occasions, but never enough to develop a history. Many times I read from an old Phillips translation my parents kept on the living room bookshelf. I don’t think I really learned much, but I do know, by virtue of memory and recalled feelings, that my search and satisfaction was the right path for me.

I have since childhood also had an ability that is uncomfortable to document here. It is one that some know about, especially my wife, but I am sure documenting it for the first time will bring on questions and judgment. However, honesty and transparency are far more able to propel me along this current path than holding back.

Before I share this ability with you, I must note that it is not something easily controlled. There is no magic and there is no switch. It simply is there when it is needed to be there and generally for the good or building of others, not for personal gain.

When in the presence of others, I am able to feel what they are feeling. To know, in many cases, what is going on in their lives. In some instances, I am able to know what the future holds for them as well, or even reveal past occurrences.

For many years this ability has been more of a burden then pleasure. People tend to think you are strange or crazy. So learning to keep quiet unless led (by spirit I believe) is necessary. The greatest burden however, is feeling pain of others so intensely. This is especially upsetting when in a group of people, and so much is felt from so many. At times, this has been absolutely draining for me. But as I move farther along in life, and some amount of understanding is gained, I have learned to deal with it in much better ways.

I believe wholeheartedly this is a gift provided to me, by my creator, and for a purpose.

On July 8, 1978 at Calvary Chapel of Costa Mesa, I accepted Jesus as my personal savior – what Christian’s call being “born again” or “saved”. This moment was life-changing, but not wholly in ways that are commonly communicated. I certainly was consumed with a feeling of euphoria during the alter call and prayer of confession. However, confession tends to free the soul for most, in whatever form it is released.

Immediately I involved myself in church, primarily a youth group. I changed my group of friends, leaving behind many who I was close to. This was not the right thing to do. But, I was lead in this direction by those I now held up as the ones I should look to for life advice and mentoring. Certainly, this is not part of what Christ did. So, at the start, Christ-likeness was not being reflected in my new life.

As with most new converts, I believed I had discovered the one truth and pushed it radically on many, sometimes under the leadership of others, and other times on my own. I am not saying I had not discovered a truth, only that I mishandled it, whether by teaching or my own decided action.

At this time in my life, I lost some of my curiosity to know, because I mistakenly was under the impression that I now knew. I was wrong and am sometimes saddened by the lost time of discovery. However, I did strive to know what the bible said and meant. I was being taught, although rigidly and myopically, but I was learning some valuable things.

In 1984 I was married. We had been dating since our teens and for about six years prior to marriage. Although the marriage sadly ended in divorce after twenty-two years, we were seriously and undeservedly blessed with three amazing children.

Along the way, I have been a youth pastor, speaker, writer, I have written plays, been on radio, performed music, and preached. The most valuable of all these experiences was being a youth pastor. I really wanted to instill a sense of life purpose within the kids I was leading. At that age (junior and senior high) youth are looked at as an inconvenience so often. They are not taken as seriously as they should be. Granted, they do not yet posses the wisdom of most adults, but they are in a strange place of discovering so many things, both internally and externally. They must be graced with mentoring and guidance, and this takes more effort than many are willing to extend.

During most of my adult life, I have learned that there is more than one component to truth and “the way”. The stressfulness of dialogue where ideology and theology are concerned is painful to me. Why is something such as personal faith, which claims to produce love unlimited, so quarrelsome and destructive? To remedy this will be my pursuit for the remainder of my life here on earth.

Today, my focus is on recovering from past mistakes, developing a strong relationship with my wife, Gina, and moving back into healthy relationships with my children, who suffered damage in my divorce from their mother. In addition, I am doggedly pursuing complete truth (as complete as any one lifetime will allow), facilitating growth in others (see my article, You Know You Can, but Think You Can’t at christianschaal.blogspot.com/ or at christianschaal.com), and honing patiently gifts I have been given.




So, Shall We Dance

I should note here, and before going on any further, that I fully expect some questioning from those who know me, and maybe even from some who do not. I am in no way denying God or His love at any point here. That said, I will be stating some things with full awareness they will be somewhat controversial, at least to some. There is no need to read between the lines, or draw conclusions based on assumptions that may arise. I am writing from my own experience, study, life-lessons, and spirit.

A seasoning of motivation for this piece is firmly grounded in something I have already mentioned – the ugliness of disagreement between those of differing faiths, or even denominations. It is evident that these factions are mostly dogmatic about their systems and practices. What should be apparent is antithetical – their love. Love, the love that God is and gives, is what we should all share in. This love should be what exudes from every part of our being – unconditionally. Show me evidence that this is the case for the majority who claim it as part of their faith, and I will forever shut up. Until the, I will, as I have already stated, do my part in moving myself and others to that euphoria.

There is no “one right way”. The path to God’s love and presence varies with person, circumstance, and time. The Christian way to salvation, the salvation prayer for example, has become diluted and to a large degree meaningless. Not because of anything God has done, but because the life to be lived after such an experience is not taught with any love/conviction mixture. In my view, and from my experience, church leadership has lost its way and moved from the light and into a somewhat dim place.

It may sound as though I am angry. I am not. It is understandable for you to feel this way. Many who write or communicate in such a way, or about such things, are. I am not.

Muslims, Jews, Catholics, and Christians, all claim the same God. Much of the same history is recorded by these faiths. All claim, among other things specific to their faith, that God is a God of love; then why the wars, the killings, the arguments, the bombing of abortion clinics or the murder of the abortion doctors? Why the dogmatism and blame?

I claim here and now, that none of these faiths have it completely right, and I maintain Christianity for myself. Since I do lay claim to Christianity, much of my focus will be concerning this faith. Sadly, I feel it is a most conflicted and precarious position – for many reasons. I also have many of my own questions concerning my faith and the Bible as well.

For example, the writers of the gospel have documented much of the life of Jesus. Some write of his birth, and all write concerning is ministry years. So someone please tell me then, seriously, where is the documented history of his life between the ages of twelve and thirty? Why has it been omitted? Did the writers do this, or early church leaders (council of Nicaea maybe)? This question and others have perplexed me for some time. There must be a reason and I would love to know why. To many this leads them to feel the bible is unreliable. Is it?

There are many such conflicts, questions, and seeming inconsistencies with the pages of this ancient text. It is a difficult thing to understand, and for some a deal breaker. Sadly, for others, it is an excuse to disregard anything of faith, at least as far as a god is concerned.

However, this is not the greatest issue of divide, people and our behaviors are.

Look, there can be no honest disagreement that conflict of varying forms is now woven throughout the church and its people. The church has become little more than a reflection of common culture, and the opposite should be the way of progression.

I have been entrenched in churches for most of my adult life. I have either been part of leadership, including providing sermons and other talks, or been personally involved with the leadership personnel, first and foremost as friends. I have seen and experienced the beautiful and the ugly. So the issues I am writing of have been a part of my own tapestry through the years, not merely a feeling I have.

Here are a couple of examples. Human nature will lead you to make assumptions as to my motivation as you read through these. These examples will serve as a foundation for building, not the opposite.

1 - As stated earlier, after my salvation experience I immediately became involved with a high school youth group at a church close to my home. The pastor of this youth group became a good friend of mine over time. I was nearly eighteen when I first began attending, and he was in his twenties. My future wife and I spent much personal time with him and his family. In time, he was given his own church to pastor, which is where I became youth pastor for the first time. I was also on the elder board and involved in music presentation.

To say we became close friends is an understatement. The foundation of my theology was based on his teaching, both in church and as part of our friendship. He was the man who I modeled my life after as a father, husband, and Christian man. I saw him at least three or four days a week and thought I knew him as intimately as I could know anyone. His seeming passion for God, people, and shepherding were to me unquestionable.

After more than a twenty year, close relationship, you can imagine my shock and dismay when I discovered he and his wife were divorcing. In my mind there was no way this was true.

I called his wife to find out what the heck was going on. I rarely take second hand information as fact. I will seek the facts from the horse’s mouth as they say.

During our conversation she shared with me many things that had been going on for some time, including sexual relations with other women in the church. So, of course, I asked her, what woman he was having the affair with. To my utter and crippling astonishment, her response was, “who said it was a woman”. I nearly collapse to the floor, seriously. This was my role model! He was the “man of God” in my life. He was the man who married my wife and me! This just could not be true. But it was, and is.

As it turned out, from the beginning of my knowing him, he was involved in homosexual affairs with other church leadership, as well as affairs with other women. The homosexual affair had been going on for over twenty years. Once this began to come out, so did many other things, as so often is the case. One of those issues greatly disturbed me for deeply personal reasons. He had brought in a pedophile to help with our choir.

Now, let me be clear, I do not judge those who are gay (or anyone else). It is not my lifestyle, nor is it one I feel is part of created design, but I am not the Creator. It is not my place to judge. That said, this is a man who proclaimed one lifestyle with passion and conviction, and lived antithetically to all he proclaimed. Many lives were forever damaged, and possibly souls as well.

2 – During the period between 1992 and 1998, my family and I lived in a small town in Kansas. After a brief stint in a town of three-hundred, we moved on to a large town of thirty-five-hundred – large for Kansas. We searched for a churched based on one main factor – community affection. In other words, demolition was irrelevant to me. The real draw for us was how a church was affecting its community.

We decided on the First Assembly of God church just one block from our home. Although we did not agree wholly with their practice and faith, their affect on the immediate community was the most profound in the area.

We met with the senior pastor as well as the elders in order to introduce ourselves, as well as get to know them. We shared our disagreements theologically in a very honest and peaceful way. Part of their criteria for membership was coming to agreement on ten points of faith and practice. We agreed on eight. After some studious debate, we agreed to disagree and our membership was allowed. Honestly, this whole process itself is evidence of just how divided the Christian church is; but more on that later.

Immediately a friendship developed between the senior past and me. He was a driven man, and committed to put whatever beliefs he held into practice. I respected this in him. However, he was also egotistical and paranoid, which forms the root of the event I will share with you in this example.

Within a very short time, the pastor had me up front every Sunday morning speaking, introducing and interviewing people, and other things. I was also invited to preach on some evening or weekday services. I say this not to lift myself, but to give you an idea of the closeness of our relationship, both professional and personal. Remember, I did not come to agreement about all elements of their faith and practice, and he caught some flack from other members for inviting me to do these things. This is yet another flaw in the church today – human ego; and again, I will provide more on this later.

I rarely attended Sunday evening services. This is the time I used to write and produce plays, a part of the ministry I had been doing for years. With Lamplighter Ministries, we brought very high impact and relevant dramas to youth. I worked with a small group of persons who volunteered their time to be a part of what we were doing. Some of these persons were part of the First Assembly church as well. All were friends of mine at varying levels.

An important issue to me was the meeting together with the entire group in order to further develop ideas, and spend time in support of one another on a personal level. At times, this would include a brief but relevant study of bible text. Somewhat informal, as that is how I operate with these types of things.

It is extremely important to note here, that I full supported the pastor and all his work at the church. I spent many hors of my time working with him and others in order to manifest visions he had for the church and community. In all I did, I made every effort to make sure there were no conflicts with events having to do with his work or the church functions. However, people were drawn to what my work wanting to be more involved. In time, the congregation stop be concerned with our disagreement on part of the faith and practice, and began to want and expect more from me. If you recall from earlier, the pastor was closet egotist and paranoid. I love him to this day, but it is the truth. This fact is evidenced by his current standing, which I will not divulge here.

Apparently he bean asking around secretly about my activities, which is odd because I discussed everything with him, as a friend and mentor. He went to this I worked with and asked them if I was trying to start my own church. He was firmly and quickly told no, and that I was in full support of him. He was also told that he really should speak with me about this directly. Now, let me tell you, I am the last person who would start a church, and the last one you would want as your pastor. Not a lot of patience for gossip, back-stabbing, or judgment of others, in any way. I would be fired!

I was told of this activity and elected to say nothing. Stirring up flames unnecessarily is not my cup of tea, nor do I find any good in it. But I did know what he was doing. Because I was also told by those he spoke with that they had told him to speak to me directly, I figured he would. He was a pastor and that would have been the biblical approach to the matter. He never came to me.

It was Sunday evening. My wife and daughter decided to walk to the church for the Sunday evening service. My daughter had never attended a service on Sunday evening, so this would be her fist experience. I, as I shared earlier, worked on my writing Sunday evenings. I had a full time corporate position, so I had to make the most of any time available to me. This had been my practice for years prior.

To my surprise, about thirty minutes after my wife and daughter had left for church, my daughter came literally bursting through the front and yelling for me. I turned, somewhat in shock, to see a look of utter panic on her face. I asked her what was going on and she told me, half out of breath form running home, that my wife and the pastor were arguing on the front grass of the church. Mind you, this is during service time, and the congregation was still sitting in the pews.

At first I thought my daughter was playing a joke on me. But her eyes quickly conveyed the truth of the matter. My mind was racing and it took me a moment to gather my thoughts and ahead out the door. I made my way briskly down the street and the one block to the church. As I approached, and to my incredibly real astonishment, there they both were; my wife pointing a finger at the pastor as she angrily gave it to him. By his body language I could see he considered everything she was saying invalid and unimportant.

I moved quickly to place my body in between the two of them in order to fist bring peace, and then discover what in the world was going on. My wife continued and I pointedly asked her to stop. She did, and as she did, the pastor started in on me, telling me angrily that I should be in the Sunday evening service. Okay, I was shocked.

He had known full well how I used my time on Sunday evenings. This was nothing new to him, so I did not buy this as being the root of the issue. It had been two or three weeks since his questioning of other concerning me and, honestly, I had forgotten all about it.

I replied to him, reminding him of what I did on Sunday evenings. This only increased his anger, which really confused me. I asked him why he was not more concerned with the men in the church who abused their wives, or were alcoholics and all stayed home on Sunday evenings. We were getting nowhere. He began to remove his jacket as if he wanted to fight me, which I thought was odd. He was the senior pastor, and he did have a congregation inside probably wondering what the heck was going on.

In short time, I turned to my wife and asked her what had happened. The story she gave me seemed incredible to me at the time. But in the end, it was completely accurate. I have the audio tape of the service as proof.

At the beginning of the service, the pastor stood at the pulpit scanning the congregation, apparently to instill his authority over the situation prior to his sharing with them. There was an unusual hush within the building as his words poured out over them as seeming punishment. He began to share how someone in the church was making attempts to undermine him, to ruin all the church was attempting to. In addition this person he was convincing others to leave the church and come under his leadership. All eyes were glued to him as he spoke. This was a close knit group of people and I am sure they were all wondering at the time, with some serious confusion, what in the world was going on.

He went on like this for about four minutes. Then, he turned to look right at my wife, who was sitting with my daughter, and say this, “and it’s your husband [her name here]”. She was shocked. My daughter began to cry. Remember, this was her first time in Sunday evening service. And in her mind, this was a very close friend of mine, who we spent a lot of person time with. My wife sat there frozen and tremendously embarrassed. She is a private person and this absolutely knocked into a silent yet emotional frenzy.

At that, the pastor went to prayer. He asked all to bow their heads. As he did this, my wife made an attempt to silently and politely leave. He looked up to see this and called her out, right in the middle of prayer. He told her not to leave. She continued to the exit with the pastor hot on her tail. And this is where I found them – out on the front lawn of the church.

He had said the Holy Spirit lead him to share this. However, the Holy Spirit does not lead in contradiction to scripture. If He did, then the concept of biblical truth is not only diluted, but vaporized. Since the pastor never once spoke to me directly, not once, he was way out of line. Besides all that, he was wrong. I was in full support of him and the church, at least until that day.

After a week or so, he apologized and admitted he was wrong, but not publicly. But it was tool late. There was no way we were going back there. In addition, because of what he did, thirty families left the church. To be honest, I felt the only reason he was pleading with us to come back was to get all the other families back as well. I accepted his apology, but never went back.

In reading the above, you may think me to be negative, demeaning, or even divisive. It is human nature, based on the culture we live in, to assume such things and move to judgment. My intent however is stated in the opening of this article and is foundational to my own beliefs.

None of us is perfect. Certainly I am nowhere near. I have caused and created much pain during my lifetime, some of which will take years to remedy. The examples above are not example of judgment against those of which I wrote. They are provided only as a foundation from which to build. Many more could be shared by me and by you, I am sure. As stated, the church today is rarely more a reflection of common culture. It is certainly made up of the same people. So, from here we will now move forward.

A Youthful Quest

Jesus is recorded as saying we should come as with the eyes of children to our faith. Matthew 18:2 & 3 – And he called a child to himself and set him in before them and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted (turned) and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.” What does he mean by the term children? Another question which we will tackle later is what is meant by the kingdom of Heaven. But first, lets drill deep into what is it to become as a child.

The Greek term used here is paidion and it means an infant or half grown child (boy or girl). This is, for me, one of the most important sayings of Jesus. And, although most Christians (as well as others) are aware of it and would claim to an understanding to its meaning, evidence is lacking. Earlier I stated that salvation has been diluted today “…because the life to be lived after such an experience is not taught with any love/conviction mixture.” One of the elements missing is the becoming as a child. This is no small matter, and it can prove to be a bit complicated when you are middle aged, as I am.

I am a fairly simple minded person. With that stated, lets look at some universal attributes of children.

• Malleable
• Trusting
• Curious
• Loving
• Adventurous
• Needing care
• Requiring guidance
• Not fully developed
• Emotionally immature
• Fearful
• They Laugh a lot
• All children grow

This is how we must come to our faith – any faith that is new for us.

You Know You Can, but Think You Can't

You Know You Can, but Think You Can’t
Dreamers in a Wide Awake World

I have limited space for this writing, and wish there was more. I have much more to say about many of the items you will find here. So, if after reading you have any questions or comments, please email me at Christian@christianschaal.com


Felt Reality

Wrecked and wounded, paralyzed and stiffened, trapped in the muck and mire that your life has become. Or so it seems to you.

How many feel just this way on a regular basis? How often does the crushing weight of realizing you are not what you feel you should be (or where) dominate you? For many, the answers to these questions reflect a darkened and dissatisfied soul.

Humans carry dreams, desire, and a sense of who they truly are deep inside of them. Each KNOWS that this is a destiny for which they must reach and attain. However, the affects of life all too often preclude any chance of a true manifestation of such a destiny. The reality – you THINK you cannot. This reality is a ghost and nothing more. You can!

Here is one of my favorite quotes. It is from the book, “99% Inspiration”, by Bryan W. Mattimore. It has inspired me daily for a long time now. “It is important to know that locked within your childhood is the seed of your own genius. In the memories and experiences of our youth are the skills and talents that make each of us unique, and potentially great. Some of us have forgotten these roots, and feel unfulfilled in what we are now doing. Others of us have been true to our childhood loves and find ourselves achieving, or about to achieve, unparalleled success and happiness. Still others of us are only now beginning to awaken to our own potential, and are excited at the prospect of rediscovering who we really are, what we love to do, and consequently what will help us lead happy and fulfilled lives. No matter where you are in this; it is never too late to start the rediscovery process.”

I am absolutely convinced that we each can be more than we currently are, and we KNOW it!



Why are We Less?

Why is it that so many of us disregard what we know and travel along the path of what we think? Why not simply become what we know we are to be? Seems simple enough, right? The harsh truth is that in so many cases, we simply do not know how. We are frozen by fears, low self-esteem, and the unforgiving wounds and restrictions others have skewered us with over time.

It may be that discouragement and criticism dominated you as a child. Or, abuse at the hand of family members (or others) has plunged your spirit into a fetal position and it has remained that way. Maybe we committed our own compromising acts and continue to have remorse or guilt over them.

Many times societal rules and imagined restrictions stop us from trusting we can become what it is we know we can or should be. A simple one would be curb appeal of our homes. In most neighborhoods, a well manicured lawn, neatly trimmed hedges, and a clean looking structure are implied requirements. It is, of course, something we all would like to have, but in some cases, it is just not that easy. A job loss, poor health, or any number of things may hamper either physical ability or financial ability to maintain equal curb appeal with your neighbors. Guilt may set in. This guilt may then become an avoidance of your neighbors, leading to a seclusion of sorts. This then becomes further reason to feel guilty and darkness may begin to set in to your soul. All because of the implied societal rule of accepted curb appeal. Sounds silly, but this example is common.

Anytime we feel weighted down by anything, our ability to achieve is degraded. Let me outline some perceived weights and how to eliminate them. We will deal with the top three.

Guilt

For most, alteration is easily accomplished. Some, however, are psychologically predisposed to feel certain ways. I am only addressing the majority.

Guilt is a powerful emotion and sometimes justified for a short time. In the long term, however, the power of guilt will tear away your soul and leave you in a debilitated state of being. Left unchecked and unaddressed, guilt will push levels of anxiety higher and higher. As anxiety becomes higher, self-confidence moves rapidly lower. The combination of these concurrently growing self-perceptions may cause you to alienate yourself, first from society, then from friends, and finally from family. None of which solves the problem of your feeling of guilt. In fact, this progressive movement in alienation will certainly create additional and deeper guilty feelings.

Removing guilt from your life is accomplished by addressing whatever the issue is directly with emotional courage (not always easy). All of us have hurt others, damaged others lives in some way, or done things in direct opposition to principals we know we should live by (these principals can be different each of us). There is no way to move through a lifetime in perfection. And the longer guilt has impaled you, the more difficult it is to deal with and remove; but it can be done.

First, be honest with yourself about what you are feeling and why. Then determine if the level of guilt you are feeling is justified. The longer guilt lingers, the more unrealistically deep it will be felt. Next, be prepared to correct whatever issue may have caused you to feel this way. It may be a simple admission and apology is all you will need to offer. Maybe some restitution will be required. Whatever the cause, address it. In doing this, do not expect immediate forgiveness. This is not something you control. If you expect forgiveness or any sort of instantaneous peace and resolution, and do not get it, you will probably become angry or defensive. This will exponentially deepen the original problem.

An apology must come from the heart. If not, the recipient will realize this at a conscious, subconscious, or spiritual level. In this case, nothing will be accomplished. Therefore, you must first follow the above steps of realization, truly understanding the issue, before you can properly address it.

Once you have done all of these things, you must then let it go. Again, you are completely unable to control how your apology, restitution, or whatever, is received. You are only able to control how you deliver it. When you do not control something, you cannot allow it to control you. You will have done your part, and now must move on; hopefully with a sense of accomplishment and peace.

Fear

One of the best acronyms for fear is this, False Expectations Appearing Real – F.E.A.R. When I first had this put to me I had an epiphany of sorts. In that moment I finally realized that my own fear was based not on those things that were actually real, but what I created them to be in my own mind.

The key word from above is not fear, but expectations. Expectations are very powerful things. We expect the sun to shine each day. We expect our children to be safe. Expectations of a sexual connection in a marriage are strong among men. In turn, expectations of honesty by women and from men are just as intense. These are normal and healthy. The same power, though, is carried in expectations that are false and unlikely.

Driving your car down the highway, for example, is a normal occurrence. However, for some, this is terrifying. A feeling of pending doom arises in them each time they are in an automobile. Accidents do happen, but the chances are very low, especially if you are a safe and defensive driver, that you will be in one. Flying is another example, and one I sometimes carry. I have no fear of flying, only crashing. But planes just do not crash very often. Other unhealthy fears may include doctor visits, germs, financial doom, loss of a loved one (death or divorce), or any number of things you are probably already aware of. It is the EXPECTATION of any of these that renders us useless at times.

Many unrealistic fears are rooted in some past event. Some are unexplained. Each feel very real and can be crippling. So what to do?

Discovering what you truly fear is the first step. Sometimes what we realize on the surface is only a symptom and not the foundation. Using the above flying example, which was personal, I will tell you my fear, was not so much in the flying and crashing, but more in the lack of being in control. So, in order for me to properly deal with my fear, I identified its root source. The fear of flying simply magnified the lack of control I was experiencing. That is only the first step, however. Next, I needed to identify why I needed to be in control, and why I feared a lack of control. This was actually quite simple for me. Control became an issue for me because my life was so out of control in many other areas. So, making corrections in those areas, i.e. living right, greatly reduced my fear. Of course, this took some time and effort, much of which is not appropriate for this writing.

Once you have discovered what your true fear is, it becomes a matter of facing your own reality sets. This you must do. I cannot identify them for you here. If you wish to contact me, I certainly am able and willing to help you in this discovery, however. Reality sets are those things you live by subconsciously. These can be recognized by patterns and habits you have developed and practice in your life. Generally we develop these sets in order to feel safe in our life, or to gain a sense of control. They are not all good and not all bad. They just are. Identifying them will aid you in discovering the root of your unrealistic fears and why you hold them. Only then will you be able to honestly work at removing them and their drain on your potential for living and living well.

Remember this – it is the EXPECTATION emanating from your unrealistic fear that is the debilitating factor. Again, expectations are powerful. We tend to see them as already real, and therefore feel the affects of them.

Insecurity

Who among us has never felt insecure? Raise your hand(s)! My hand stayed down; as I am sure yours did as well.

The list of reasons related to feeling insecure is nearly infinite when you factor in degrees of feeling. But there are some primary factors we can address with confidence. Before moving too far ahead, let’s look at a list of some of these reasons.
• Physical disability or impairment
• Appearance
• A sense of being, or having been, unloved
• Pending medical procedures, such as major surgery
• Feeling unneeded
• A lengthy time of being berated by someone close (spouse, parent, etc.)
• Inability to achieve what others feel you should achieve
• Financial instability
• Erectile Dysfunction (men – seriously)
• Body Image (women – this is one I feel is a societal creation)
• Being made fun of while young

This list is minuscule as it relates to life, but the general idea is delivered.

Feeling insecure at certain levels is tantamount to being diseased. Symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and stress are coupled with feeling insecure and can be extremely incapacitating. Stress, for example, demands a tremendous toll from the body, even to the point of actual disease and death. For a brief on the relation of stress to body see, Stress and Chronic Illness.

In my own life the feeling of being insecure has been the greatest detractor to my holistic success in life. Looking back at the above list, I experienced six of the ten to varying degrees, and at different times in life. However, the “different times” were all connected developing a constant of sorts. My own level of insecurity fluctuated on the surface during this time, but internally (most important) it grew with the rage of an active volcano – until I dealt with it.

Insecurity keeps us from so much in life. Accomplishments, joy, happiness, success, a sense of completeness, and more will be prohibited or lessened by feelings of insecurity.

Imagine the child who is brutally teased on the playground in elementary school. Take a moment to picture this child in your mind (maybe it was you). Now, through imagination and empathy, feel what this child is feeling. He (or she) is quickly developing a strong sense of insecurity and you can feel his pain and despair.

As this child develops, and the insecurity is left unchecked, the pain roots itself deeper and deeper into his spirit. Anxiety envelops him at just the thought of having to wake up and go to school. As the anxiety builds, isolation becomes a pseudo way to survive. Once isolation becomes a routine, depression will creep into his being. And on it goes, from childhood to adulthood.

I used the above example because most of us had this experience in some form or another when we were young. It is common.

Dealing with insecurity is difficult at best. It is webbed throughout our entire being. Unlike guilt and fear, insecurity is mostly caused by outside sources – not ourselves. Generally speaking, individuals, organizations, or society gives us reason to feel insecure. Guilt is something we cause for ourselves and fear is somewhere between guilt and insecurity.

If possible, isolate the cause of your insecurity. For the disabled or diseased person, this is a bit easier. But for most others this task can prove quite difficult and at times may require the involvement of others. The time needed to eliminate the debilitating affects of insecurity will vary. Most of the variation is due to two factors. One, how far back in your history can its root be found; and two, the degree and duration of the root cause infliction.

The important first step is to understand what you are feeling and be honest with yourself about those feelings. This cannot be understated. Too many of us, especially men, disregard the critical importance of emotion and feeling. The evidence of danger in doing this is reflected in the culture of discontent we all now experience in this world.

Journaling is an excellent tool and one I personally use. Note I did not say “used”. To this day, and since 1991, I have used journaling as a source of healing, self-adjustment, and self-discovery. One unexpected realized benefit is the fact I now have some history to look back on; things I would normally have forgotten with time, much having to do with the growing of my three children.

Keeping an honest journal will allow you a place to be yourself completely, which I believe to be healing in itself. The trick is being you; being honest with everything. To do this you must trust your social environment, believing that others will not read your journal. Or, just keep it private.

Hopefully I have provided you with some element of understanding and motivation concerning any insecurity you may have and eliminating it. There is much more that could be said in this area, and again, if you have any questions please feel free to contact me.

Becoming

The point to all of this is that so many of us are less than we know we are supposed to be. The three areas of disability listed above are but a few. And even those mentioned have tentacles of variation and degree. Striving to know yourself deeply will allow you to become.

It is important that you be allowed to dream and realize your dreams. The truth is, for the most part, you are the only one stopping you from doing so. Life and all it has delivered you has compressed your dreams and visions, holding them hostage to the false self-perceptions you carry each and every day.

I say live your dreams. Maybe you want to write a book, or a song. Is it you who will invent the next product of convenience, possibly altering how we all live today? I know you have grand designs for yourself. I know you want to be a positive and influential person. I know you want to live with a sense of completeness and joy at levels you do not currently experience. So do it.

You know you can, but think you can’t. There lies in each of us a deep sense of knowing who we really are or can be. I have said this already and freely say it again. It needs to be said over and over again, not only by me, but by you and to you.

Remove the shackles that have locked you up for so many years and discover the hidden you. Growth is something each of us should experience throughout life. Stagnation, however, is what seems to be the water of so many lives today. Begin to notice the smaller things in life, which really are the larger. The construction of a flower; the fragrance of an ocean breeze; the eyes of a wondering child; and the love you want to give but hold back. These are but a few of life’s beauties. When you begin to allow that beauty to penetrate you, when it becomes a part of your desired experience, you will be amazed at the exponential rate of your personal growth. The speed at which you are propelled to your greatest desires will increase by levels you never imagined.

If this all sounds like pillow fluff to you, you are trapped by some of what was mentioned earlier. There is no question about that. So there is your gauge.

This world needs and requires more dreamers, more believers, and more doers of what is implanted in them. To say you have none of this within you is to say you were created with no purpose. We all were created with a purpose; each and every one of us. Denying this is ludicrous and defeatist. Do you want to live in a world, society, or even neighborhood, where this attitude is prevalent? I do not.

What if Thomas Edison had quit? What if Henry Ford gave up on providing automobiles for the middle class? What would our national pass-time (baseball) be if not for Abner Doubleday? What if Abraham Lincoln decided to not live by his conviction no matter the risk? These are but a few dreamers you will recognize. There are many you would not, and those are the most important. It is the everyday man or woman who decides to follow a known path that truly create the progress of humanity. Be that person and begin now.

In conclusion, I have a simple word for you: Live.

Christian Schaal

Christian@christianschaal.com

www.christianschaal.com

Power Love

Power Love

Contained within the vast array of human existence lies something that has confounded man since the beginning of recorded time; the marriage relationship. Humans are unique among earth’s living creatures. One of the grandest attributes we are endowed with is the ability to self-fulfill our dreams and desires, to become what we choose and attempt to manifest ideas, having been created with the ability to accomplish these things. But, like with all good things, choice sometimes comes with dire consequence.

The relationships we choose, how we choose to operate within them, and why we choose them, especially marriage (primarily Western civilization) can become deeply perplexing enigmas. No relationship is free from its difficulty. Conflicts ultimately arise in any bond. In the marriage relationship, these are greatly magnified.

Marriage is but one of the many relationship options we have in this life, and it is the most difficult to understand, especially by men. Men and women simply have different priorities in marriage, in particular at the spirit and emotional level. There are exceptions, but most often the two sexes see things with differing eyes.

With today’s current litigation concerning gay marriage, some may question my use of man and woman here. I understand. However, my experience and education rests in the traditional marriage. In addition, a good part of this article will address the primary differences between men and women. Therefore, I am unable, not unwilling, to address the gay marriage relationship. But, in all relationships there are some basic principals that, when applied with a heart-felt motivation result in a growing union and bond.

There are a plethora of opinions and standard functions concerning the marriage bond. Differing faiths and religions certainly carry, and in some cases dictate, these functions. Geographical cultures from around the globe vary greatly as to marriage and in many cases the courtship process as well. All of these traditions should be honored. But still, there are basic and primary principals that when applied offer significant benefit. These do not take away from tradition; they build upon it, and in my opinion, add bricks of gold.

Knowing the Unknowable

Men have maligned the way a woman thinks and feels for generations, and in so doing have missed out on life-changing growth for themselves and their relationships. The claim by most men is that a woman’s thoughts and feelings are impossible to understand or figure out. They are not. Difficult, yes; impossible no. Strangely, the difficulty in understanding a woman has little to do with her, and most to do with men. Yet, men tend to project all of the difficulty onto women. This projection only adds to the delusion that women are responsible for men’s lack of understanding them.

Although there are many distinct and clear differences between men and women, they are primarily rooted in emotion. Women feel more, more deeply, in more color, and more empathetically than men as a general rule. This is not a great secret. However, it is greatly ignored by men. The irony is that men tend to ignore feelings because they do not want to feel, yet this action creates and deepens other feelings. This ignorance of emotions sadly begins with birth and becomes a handicap with time.

Because women are more apt to use both hemispheres of the brain simultaneously, they are far more “connected” human beings. Men are not created with this capability at birth. So, in short, they are more adapted to linear and logical thinking, rather than emotionally driven. It is not that women are left without this capability, not by any means. To their great fortune, women are capable of logical thought and emotion (thinking and feeling) at the same time. This mixture is so completely foreign to men that it is simply shrugged off as something far too difficult to understand. This actually makes men the less developed of the species.

This canyon of separation is the root of most marital difficulty. But, the canyon can be bridged with some effort and understanding on the part of men. This undertaking requires discipline and commitment but is followed by great reward.

Marriage is difficult in the best of situations. The issues that come with marriage are infinite, and each carry a level of complexity and variability that can sometimes boggle the mind and heart. Here are a few. Consider these and how each can vary with intensity in marriage.

• Adjustment to living together
• In-laws
• Intimacy
• Money
• Complete Honesty (transparency)
• Personal Habits
• Children
• Punctuality
• Faith-based Pursuit and Activity
• Toilet Paper Installation
• Snoring
• Affairs or Attractions (emotional or sexual)
• Work Habits
• Aging (and all that comes with it)
• Responsibilities Around the Home
• Holidays
• Death of a Child or Parent

Take a moment to consider just a few of these. None of the items mentioned are dealt with on a one-time basis. And each is complex in nature each and every time it arises. The psychology behind the differences and disagreements is not explained here. There are a plethora of books, magazines, counselors, and talk show hosts that will cover that. Let’s here look at one item and one item only – emotions.

The greatest dilutor of the angst created in marriage by the above issues and more, is a husband who seeks to understand his wife at an emotional and spiritual level. Of course, this is the one thing men have always claimed to be impossible. But it is not.

Men spend huge amounts of time, money, and effort on such things as learning a new golf swing, understanding automobiles and other toys, physical fitness, and more. Little time, comparatively speaking, is spent on truly getting to know our wives where they are most functional – their emotions. Husband, committed men, ask yourself why this is. The benefits to knowing your wife deeply far outweigh the benefits of a new golf swing.

Why the Difficulty?

Intimacy, not a sexual form, but a completely transparent lifestyle, especially in marriage, is horrendously difficult for men. Learning from early on, men stifle and hide themselves in an attempt to be what society calls for. Success measured by wealth, love measured by sexual conquest, children measured by perfection, lifestyles measured by cost, are only some of what men strive for. None of which bring soulful satisfaction. None of which a woman uses to measure a man, primarily. Yet, men have installed these drives and utilized them for years and for generations.

Epochs of misguided social structure and convention have dictated males should avoid showing emotion, therefore precluding any understanding of what they are feeling and why. If men do not understand their own emotions and related causes, they will never be able to understand a woman’s. This is the great challenge for men and marriage.

Full Commitment

Where did the idea of a fifty-fifty commitment in marriage come from? If this is an accurate and reasonable expectation, how would it be measured? The complexities of such measurement are insurmountable. It just cannot be done. Sure, chores and some basic responsibilities can be divided, seemingly equally. But, effort cannot be measured, nor can felt love, or how attention is given. To do this, a measurement of motivation and heart would need to be analyzed as well, which is impossible. There are simply far too many variables for a marriage to be fifty-fifty.

The only reasonable expectation is a one-hundred percent commitment on the part of the individual. A wife will be the first to do so but, as soon as her husband is found lacking, a wife’s commitment will begin to fade; slowly but assuredly. When a husband is fully committed, unconditionally, the wife will soon rise again to a one-hundred percent commitment.

By commitment, or the lack of, I am not necessarily talking about the marital affair. I am speaking of matters of the heart first; the desire to give one’s self fully to another out of joy, not obligation. Affairs do appear in marriages, we all know that. They do, however, take time to develop, and will do so as a symptom only, not as a first function.

Men are by nature defensive creatures. They are also inherently competitive. These attributes help to create much of the marital disharmony. What will be helpful for men to understand is that they do not need to be defensive, and their idea of winning is really a path to slowly losing. When a wife expresses a concern to a husband, at least in the beginning stages, it is not to nag, point fingers, or win a battle. These concerns, complaints, or questions, come from a place inside of her that is spirit and emotion driven.

A wife desires to build a marriage, not tear down. A husband tends to build walls of isolation, creating what I call a “sandcastle life”.

Sandcastle Life
From my book, Life in Poetry and Prose

Laboring strong all the days of his life,
he builds his castle, but fills it with strife.
Towering high, above all those below,
peering over the land, his father bestowed.
Barren and empty are acres of field;
his spirit so damaged, yet not willing to yield.

Surrounding his castle lays a great moat,
holding at bay those he wants close.
A functioning drawbridge placed in the wall,
has never been opened and never will fall.
Each moment inside him, a midnight so dark;
a journey so needed, but he fears to embark.

The building continues, on his castle so grand;
covering his pain, he works with his hands.
Aching inside, yet avoiding his truth,
a lonely path he’s traversed, beginning with youth.
Leading to nowhere but lost and alone,
he bends to continue, as he adds one more stone.

Seeing his work, brings tears to my eyes;
wasting his labor, decaying his life.
The towers grow higher, but empty they are;
his spirit so lonely, so damaged and scarred.
Building and dreaming he hopes they arrive,
but alone he will live in his sandcastle life.

Tools

Here are some tools for change and growth. Before men will be able to effectively apply any of these, though, a true desire to become unconditionally committed to the process of change is necessary. Without it, success will be incomplete at best.

1. Loose all defensive attitude and behavior – all of it. There is absolutely no good that will come from being defensive. Truth will always surface regardless of what you say or what attitudes you carry. The best example of this is the man Jesus. He was accused, ridiculed, beaten, and scourged and he never uttered a defensive word (according to history and biblical accounts). Engaging in defensiveness, especially within a marriage, will only lead to suspicion, or at minimum, a wife who feels a husband is not hearing her.

When a husband commits to the process of eliminating defensive actions and then attitudes, his wife will draw closer to him in her heart. In time she will become more attentive, loving, and more deeply committed to him. A wife will feel free to share her heart-felt feelings safely and without ridicule. A husband will be rewarded with honor.

2. Become transparent as glass. Again, becoming transparent and completely honest is difficult for men, especially with wives. Men want to be seen as sturdy and strong, the confident hero. In truth, though, men are vulnerable creatures only covered in self- created scales of armor. This armor should be removed, set aside, and ultimately destroyed. It only serves as a barrier to true intimacy in a marriage.

In her spirit, a wife will always sense when a man is being evasive or less than honest. This sense she has will grind at her and cause her to question more, either within herself, or to her husband. If a husband is still being defensive, or closed, he will create more strife in the marriage. This cycle continues until one day the marriage is ice cold or completely dissolved.

The amazing thing is a wife will accept a man’s openness. She wants his heart completely, in whatever shape it is in. She is created to be of help to her husband and is willing to do so in nearly any circumstance or situation, as long as he is sharing is true heart openly.

3. A man must get to know his own emotions and what causes them. This will take time and a lot of effort. Men spend a lifetime stuffing their emotions away and in most cases have no clue as to their existence, truth, or cause. Furthermore, they do not know what to properly do with them once they begin to feel them. This tool is the most difficult to become comfortable with for men.
One of the best methods for a man to more deeply uncover and understand his emotions is to keep an honest journal. A simple documenting of the days events and what affects they cause will naturally move a man to a deeper understanding of the emotional state of being.

The next step is for the man to begin sharing some of the feelings he experiences, along with their causes, with his wife. If this is done honestly, the wife will move closer and closer to her husband. This is in part for two primary reasons. One, the wife will begin to see his heart and she will feel her husband is trusting her with it. Two, the wife will feel the husband is now more capable of understanding her at this level, which is her primary level of functioning.

Once a man is in touch with his own feelings, he will naturally understand his wife at a greater level. When this occurs, the dynamics of the entire marriage and relationship are elevated to new heights. An unimaginable bond emerges and a connection of two spirits is welded firmly together.

This is what men and women truly want from their marriage. We choose our relationships. We have the power to manifest the beauty within them. It is within our ability to do so. We are all created with this ability.

Men, lose the armor, drop the facade, be real with your wife. You will be loved for it. You will become your wife’s fantasy man.

Christian Schaal

www.christianschaal.com

Christian@christianschaal.com

Trinity of Despair

Trinity of Despair

There is far too much grief in this world, and most of it is unnecessary. Some believe grief and discord stem from an evil in our midst. Although I agree there is evil, I also believe the reasons for the existence of grief and discord are rooted in other areas I will explain. However, a case can be made, and will be by some, that all bad things are rooted in the great evil that roams our earth; that being the devil, itself. Nevertheless, let’s create and join in, a focus of matters we can easily take hold of and conquer in the hope of eliminating our own portion of grief – both that we dole out, and receive.

First, there is the element of personal judgment and projection of negative feelings. I use both of these in the same sentence because I believe they are essentially coupled with one another.

Second, is the fact we tend to serve our own ego, which we create subconsciously using so many levels of falsehood. This leads us to participate in both the above (judgment and projection), as well as seeking things that ultimately cause us more harm than good.

Third, and finally, is the imbalance we create in our life by seeking joy and completeness from outside sources rather than from within. These outside sources are things, desires, or other people; none of which will ultimately solidify joy within you.


Judgment and Projection

As stated above, I believe these two are tightly coupled, intertwined even. We spew both judgment and projection onto others from a place inside us that needs some adjustment. All of us carry scars, wounds, and pains from living life. These sometimes leave us empty, hurt, sad, lonely, guilty, and wanting. Empty, because we may have never received the unconditional love we should have as a child. Hurt, because we feel we have been abused, or treated unfairly in life. We may be sad because we have hurt others, either intentionally or unintentionally during the course of our life. Loneliness may fill part of us because of a death, divorce, or geographical move that has occurred in our life. We may be plagued with guilt (so many of us are) for any number of reasons – too many to count for most (although much is unnecessary). Many of us may feel a deep wanting within caused by simple desires such as a new car or a new wardrobe. Deeper levels of wanting may arise from the desire for a true love, or healing from disease.

All of these are very real experiences and feelings, and cannot simply be put off or put away. They are in each of us to varying degrees and combinations, and carry with them real effects to our consciousness. How we react to these feelings however is fundamental to how we treat others, which is the major point of this article.

At different times we are all fueled by one or more of the above emotions to cause pain (grief and discord) to another. We mostly do this in a deep subconscious form. For example, during a period after my divorce, I was hurt and deeply sad. Divorce is not something I ever wanted, not even when we entered into it. Because of my sadness and hurt, along with the feeling of being a complete failure, I hurt others. Some I lashed out at, some I blamed, some were hurt by my absolute expulsion from their life; I just stopped communicating. Without going into detail, I caused pain to others because of how I felt. Most of this was done at a subconscious level, and I only now see clearly what I did, because there has been much healing. Some of what I did certainly was conscious, and I regret it. But, I no longer feel guilty. In its simplest form, I projected my negativity onto others.

I am not one who judges people. One of the valuable lessons I have learned in life is when we judge we usually end up in the same shoes of those we judge. In addition, I have made many mistakes in my own life; I am in no position to judge another. However, so many people do judge others. It is sad to see, because they are doing so from a place of pain or disappointment in their own life. These are the ones I most often feel the need to help.

If you feel judgment of another brewing inside you, consider this – MOTIVATION. Train your mind to flash in bright red letters – MOTIVATION. Why someone does something, acts a certain way, or even commits a crime, is always based on MOTIVATION. We rarely know or understand just what that motivation for them may be. But, be assured it is there.

Someone may steal because he has a sick child at home and is in true in need. He may be without a job and desperate. The bible teaches that stealing is wrong. However, it also teaches that he who steals because he (or his family) is hungry shall not be punished. But, when he is able, he shall repay seven-fold.

It is critically important we do all we can to end our judgment of others. This will not only help in creating a better society, but just as important, ending judgment of others will create more joy in our own life. Ending our search for fault in others will also bring more self-fulfillment and peace to our personal.

Ego

A full expose on the ego would be far too much for here. Therefore, a cursory explanation is all I will provide. I believe you will still find it useful.

Ego is something we create every moment of our existence. It is extremely difficult not to do so. Ego is literally the ghost of who we are, translucent and void of real substance. Over time, and through each experience, we develop this ghost, which gives us a false perception of who we really are.

Much of our self-perception comes from the Ego. This is a problem because, as stated above, the ego is lacking any real substance. It is self-created and self-serving. In contrast, our spirit, the core of who we really are, defines us with much more reality and substance. The battle between the two will be constant until the ego is eliminated from our psyche. This elimination process is one of the more difficult things in life to undertake. Success is complicated, but well worth the effort.

It is important to remember that ego is always self-serving. The greater the ego, the more narcissistic we become; and we most often do not realize the state we are in. In addition to being self-serving, the ego is self-protective. The ego will do all in its power to protect itself, even to the harm of self and others.

An example of this would be the ego, and relating narcissism, causing us to feel we are superior to another or others. The reasons for this feeling are irrelevant but can be many. Carrying this deeply rooted sense will cause us to judge and project, as explained above. This, in turn, tends to keep us from any real and intimate relationships. The feeling of superiority precludes us from becoming transparent and close with another. Ironically, the lack of intimate relationships brings us greater dissatisfaction in life. We are each created to connect with others. This is a true need and if it is not fulfilled in our life, we develop a feeling of emptiness and want. This cycle is a vicious one and can be avoided only to the level and degree we eliminate ego.

The creation of ego begins at birth and continues throughout life unchecked until we actively pursue its elimination. No life is perfect, and each is filled with difficult moments and circumstance. These moments are building blocks for the ego.

My own personal experience with ego is the opposite of the example above. During my early years, I felt insufficient in many ways. My being the oldest of four children, likely caused this. A vicious cycle began in my own life. At an early age, as far back as I remember, I sought unnecessary approval of all those I came in contact with. My ego told me I was never good enough. This clearly is not God’s view of me, but It became my own.

In order to gain the approval I thought I required, I did or said whatever necessary, often acting inappropriately to gain attention. In doing so, I created in others further reason to treat me in ways that caused deeper feelings of inadequacy. Felt desperation caused me to act out even more. This cycle continued through my adolescence and a large part of my adult years creating a life of great difficulty for me.

Ego is not only an inflated view some hold of themselves. Ego does not always bring a haughty attitude, yet it always drives our actions, whether in an over-inflated view or, antithetically, a lower than normal view of ourselves. Either way, it is a misperception of self and a deficient way of living.

Returning to the primary point, ego drives us to bring discord and grief to others. In my case, my parents and children suffered most. So, eliminating ego from our life, however difficult (and it is difficult), will have the opposite affect on those around us. When we choose to live in a healthy way, driven by our core spirit rather than ego, we will undoubtedly bring joy and peace to those around us, and to ourselves.

Ego is a topic for which much can be said. For now, though, I trust you are enlightened to this ghost within you.

Seeking Outside Ourselves

I note here that I do not consider God an outside source, since I believe God is intertwined with our total being. Therefore, God, in my view, is an internal source of completeness and joy.

This attribute is the most dangerous. When we seek completeness or joy from outside sources, we rarely find what we are looking for, if at all.

We each carry levels of unhappiness, bitterness, and incompleteness, and often times we simply do not have the tools or know-how to settle these feelings from our own core. So, we turn to outside sources believing and desperately hoping for the ultimate escape or resolution.

This attribute, more than the previous two, causes enormous grief and discord. Leading to things such as attacking others, crime, addictions of all sorts, and more, this seeking from outside must be reversed with immediacy.

What do you feel most when you see a drug addicted teen? Or, even an adult. Typically, judgment will enter into your thinking, as discussed and dealt with above. It is far more profitable to ask the following questions. Why is it that this person is addicted? How did he begin on this path? What occurred in his life that drove him to such a destructive place?

People sometimes go through horrendous pain and suffering at the hands of others or circumstances they did not create. Undoubtedly, levels of maturity are required to find healing and resolution from within. But, for certain, resolution, healing, or completeness, will never come from destructive behaviors.

Those of us who are older, and sometimes wiser, are required (in my view) to guide the younger and less wise of us. There is no escaping this responsibility if we are to live in a world of peace and growth. We simply cannot pass by those who are in need, in a physical or metaphorical sense, and expect the world to be a better place for any of us. We will simply spiral downward into a darker and more distant existence. Truth be stated, none of us wants this.

Moving from external to internal seeking requires a great level of motivation, encouragement, guidance, or skill. It is something that can take years to accomplish and includes many steps. The first step is coming foundationally to the point of knowing you are a thing of beauty and value. Moving to this place is itself an exceptionally difficult thing to do, but it can be done.

Each person on this earth is a thing of complex beauty; an amazing creature of incomprehensible construction. We are all endowed with a spirit of love and desire to do well, both for ourselves and for others. Only an exceptional few lack the latter and I believe even they ultimately can be helped. Realizing what wonderful creatures we are and discovering the truth of what it is and means to be human, is a great place to start. This fact places us all on a level playing field. No man is greater than another at the true foundation of who we are. We are all equal in our human construction.

Since this is true, we can start by leading others to this knowledge. In doing so, we move to the beginning of understanding that our completeness is found first in who we are, not in any outside person, place, or thing.

Conclusion

I hold great hope, yet no illusions, that in time, we will find greater peace and less grief and discord among us. My life to a great degree, and with my hope, is designed to be a small part in this change.

This article by no means provides a panacea for change. However, if the above is taken seriously and applied, change will be affected in our own life, and by pollination, those lives we touch.

No miracle tools are provided; no effort is being removed from the individual. These are only some brief thoughts and truths. One of the difficult things in life to do is self-analyze. Let me encourage you to do so, beginning now. Are you affected by any of the above three distinctions? My feeling is, yes. In part, we all are. Discover which it is, and take the challenge to deal with it properly. Bring peace to yourself and to a slice of humanity as well. You will find great joy as you undertake this journey.

Christian Schaal

For further dialogue contact me using the below information.

www.christianschaal.com

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Christian@christianschaal.com